I wrote a poem in the form of a class syllabus. Feel free to critique as you please.
American Filmmaking 101: Accelerated Course on Filmmaking Techniques
Week One: Necessary Ingredients
The Purge, The Dark Knight,
World War Z, and Zack Snyder’s article
“How to Make Humans Expendable.”
Discussion One on the necessity
of unnecessary violence.
Week Two: Violence Continued
Discussion Two on murder with
and without blood
and prolonging suffering
prior to death
during on-camera murder scenes.
Week Three: Historical Inaccuracy
at the Gates, Rambo
Paper One on the need to rewrite
history to include previously excluded
blood splatter is due.
Week Four: Unbelievable Methods of Execution
Saw I through Saw XXVI
Discussion Three on plots
based on unrealistic methods
of death and the dangers
of having character development.
Week Five: Bad Dialogue
Zack Snyder Collection (Entire)
Discussion Four on balancing violence
with lack of sentiment or realism.
Week Six: Pointless Explosions (Part One)
Michael Bay Collection (Entire)
Paper Two on the danger of feeling
emotion toward any character’s death is due.
Week Seven: Pointless Explosions (Part Two)
Read Michael Bay’s article
“Pyrotechnics and the risk
of accidentally making an explosion realistic.”
Discussion Five on how not
to incorporate explosions into the plot.
Week Eight: Final Exam
Final Film Project due
Grading Criteria for Film Project:
for lack of creativity and disassociation
from the plot or
character development): 10 points.
Minimal Number of Deaths: 37 (minus 5
for unnecessary torture
scenes) 15 points. Bad Dialogue:
(graded for inability
to express meaning)
10 points. Extra Credit is offered
for holes in the plot,
up to five points.